Home Sweet Home Birth

Let’s begin with why. Why did I choose a home birth? I had a positive hospital experience so why not wash, rinse, and repeat? I had a slight fear that we wouldn’t make it to a hospital the second time around because we barely made it the first time. That fear became irrelevant as my labor lasted 44 hours total and 28 of those were active. Birth is humorous and humbling sometimes. I also made this choice because I had worked closely with midwives and I saw the differences in the care they provided and how personal and individualized it was. I was never rushed, all of my questions were answered with care and concern for me and my baby as individual human beings. I also knew that I wanted my oldest daughter to be present as much or as little as she wanted to be. She was welcomed and included in appointments and that means so much to me. I wanted to be in my own space and not have to worry about packing up and leaving. I want to note that I am fully aware that home birth is not for everyone and had there been an emergency or reason to transfer to a hospital, I would have consented to that choice in a heartbeat.

January 10th, 2025- Snow covered the ground and insomnia blessed me with a visit. I decided to take a bath and lit candles not knowing that I was building my sanctuary that would be my most visited space over the next two days. I listened to the Christian Hypnobirthing app, hydrated, and prepared mentally for labor. 3am is when my contractions began and they weren’t the mild sauce kind of contractions. They were spicy and I was concerned things would go quickly. Spoiler alert, it did not. I alerted my birth team at 4am and my mom and mother in law as contractions were close together and not letting up. They did eventually space out some and I was able to get some sleep. David got our bed prepared, lights up and turned on, and hung my affirmation cards.

Contractions continued but spaced out to 5-6 min. Amelia came into our room at 10:30 and I mentioned to her that today could be the day she would meet her sister and she confidently stated, “No, you’re not in enough pain so I don’t think it’s happening today.”

I fueled up with breakfast, sent a pic for proof to my birth team and let them know contractions were still consistent and 4-5 min apart. Amelia and I got ready for the day and put on our sparkle freckles that were given to me and jammed out to T Swift. I was determined to go into this labor shimmering and make it fun for Amelia. She had her own camera and helped our birth photographer capture moments.

My parents joined us a few hours later and brought food and sonic drinks and we just hung out like we normally would and watched a movie. I labored on the birth ball for awhile. This baby felt low and her movements felt like she was doing flips and actively trying to find the exit but kept hitting a wall which felt like a jabbing pain in my thigh. Contractions continued throughout the day and became closer together and stronger. My birth team made their way to me and all started arriving between 4:30-5pm. My midwife knew I looked too pleasant but still validated me that things were happening. I chose for her to check my dilation and I was at a disappointing 2cm, 60% effaced, and asked to have my membranes stripped which changed my dilation to 3cm. I think it’s important to note that progress in labor isn’t just dilation alone. If your effacement, dilation, or baby’s station in your pelvis changes even slightly, that is progress.

I had doubts and began questioning if I was even in labor and my precious friend who was serving as my midwife’s assistant reminded me several times that there was no room for gaslighting myself and that this was indeed labor. My body and my baby were on their own timeline, no one else’s.

I continued to labor with my family and friends surrounding me until I realized that maybe I wasn’t a community birther as I had self proclaimed, I was more of a cat that needed to be alone and focused. I took a bath and had my oldest daughter join me and that is a moment I will cherish forever. She was so sweet and encouraging. She said, “I am so excited for my sister to come.” She got out and left me to labor alone as my birth photographer stayed and quietly captured meaningful moments and also served me like a doula would. I cried, prayed, and soaked up every moment as it was then that I knew this would not be a short labor. I prayed for my baby’s health and safety and for my own stamina and strength.

My parents came through once again with food and ordered pizza. If you’re my client, you may be thinking, “that wasn’t included in the list of foods she recommended” and you’re exactly right. I always say eating in labor is great as long as you keep in mind there is a chance you may see it again. I can thankfully say that didn’t happen and it was the exact fuel I needed in that moment.

After laboring for a few more hours in our bedroom, I chose to do another cervical exam a little after midnight. I was 4cm and still 70% effaced. I was slightly discouraged but I knew this sweet girl was taking her time for a reason and I was at peace with that. My birth team headed home to rest and my midwife’s assistant lended me a peanut ball so I could rest and continue to labor.

I repeated to myself, “You will come when you’re ready, baby girl.”

My parents, my best friend, and her 2 month old daughter all stayed the night. My mom put Amelia to bed. David didn’t sleep much and checked on me several times. They are all troopers and I appreciate their dedication to support me more than they will ever know.

January 11, 2025

The story continues as we enter day 2 of labor. I was able to get a solid 2 hour stretch of sleep and contractions continued through the night 3-5 minutes apart.

I updated my birth team and got up at 6:30am, drank some coffee, ate peanut butter energy bites, sat backwards on the toilet more, took a shower, rebranded my hair, did lots of stretching, and listened to music. I want to point out that I don’t suggest my clients do anything that I haven’t done myself when it comes to labor positions. We call the toilet the dilation station for a reason and I spent a lot of time there.

I continued to labor in different positions and rested again from 10-11:30. Contractions were stronger after that nap and were 3-4 minutes apart. My parents left around 11:30 and my best friend and her baby left a little before 1pm.

I ate another slice of pizza and sipped on a matcha latte.

I put the eras tour movie on the tv and that dopamine rush and the cat like vibe of laboring mostly alone worked as team and my contractions got stronger. I updated my birth team and expressed I had doubts and my sweet friend reminded me once again this was the real deal. I updated all the party people that it felt like things were starting to get a little more serious.

Everyone began to trickle in a little while later. Another best friend brought drinks and her nail polish and kindly painted my nails. Contractions continued to get stronger but it was a nice distraction and a sweet moment. Our bedroom was full of people that loved us and full of laughter and peace.

I realized again that I needed to go back to my cat like nature and gently kicked everyone out and decided to pump to get contractions back in a good pattern. I did that for a brief time and my midwife and her assistant assessed baby girl’s heart rate and she was getting a little excited or ‘tachy’ and a shared decision was made to hold off on pumping for a bit as contractions began to double peak. I encouraged them to go get dinner and they said they weren’t leaving me in this state. I do believe they got to eat at some point lol.

I really had to focus and breathe through contractions now. My midwife suggested to get in hands and knees and “shake the apple tree” and everyone on my team took turns. Shaking the apple tree can be done with a rebozo, sheet or blanket, or hands. You alternate sides and shake the birthing person’s hips (check pic for reference.)

Around 8pm, I opted for another cervical exam and to my disappointment, I was 6cm. Tears were shed and deep breaths were taken. My midwife discovered that the jabbing pain I had been feeling was from baby girl looking around and moving her head. She was able to turn her head and when it was applied to the cervix, she was able to manually dilate me to 8cm. This was an intense sensation that honestly just has to be experienced to understand but I was grateful.

She then suggested a circuit of positions including wide lunges with nipple stimulation, sitting on the toilet, and hands and knees on the bed with the birth ball. This was hard work mentally as I was entering transition and wanted to give up, physically as I was feeling the fatigue and my stamina fading, emotionally.. goodness so many tears. Everyone held me when I needed it and encouraged me to keep going. When people say “I couldn’t do it without my team”, what they mean is that they know they are capable and yes if they had to, they could do it alone, but the beauty of the experience comes from feeling supported and safe. Each person on my support team excelled in their role and they were exactly what I needed in each moment. I wouldn’t choose to do it without any of them.

Around 9pm, I was given options- try pumping again or AROM- artificial rupture of membranes. I chose to AROM because at this point, it was discovered baby girl was floating up every time I did hands and knees or a laying down position. Real cute of her and I have called her a name that wasn’t very nice lol. It was an unexpected choice but not one I needed to think about more than a few seconds. I said “break the water and bring her down, it’s time” or something to that affect and it was decided. Water was broken and although it was more intense, it also felt more productive. David and I shared a sweet moment after and I looked at him and asked, “I can do this right?” and he gave a reassuring, “yes.” If he believed in me and everyone else in that room believed in me, I could too.

The pressure was unreal and felt constant but I didn’t feel the urge to push until about an hour later. When that urge came on, it was strong. A moment that I will never forget was the hug my midwife’s assistant gave me. It was one of those ‘release it all’ hugs and I sobbed uncontrollably. It was exactly what I needed to keep going and find the strength and energy to bring this baby earthside. Another moment I will never forget was my midwife’s words, “This is a birth where you have to choose to do the hard things and the things you don’t want to do.”

I was not prepared to have the freedom of movement when it came to pushing and I felt like a dog going in circles trying to find my comfort place. This is when David took a moment to exit the room and eat something. He wasn’t sure what he was witnessing and who could blame him? It took some time to figure out how to channel my screaming into energy within to push. My midwife offered guidance and suggested I go back to sitting on the toilet. I tried but didn’t make it through a full contraction as it was too painful to sit down. Everyone offered to do hip squeezes and other comfort measures and my doula continued to offer me water. I declined the comfort measures because my hips felt like they were on fire at this point. That’s when I remembered how good the shower had been to me and knew I needed to have water running on me. David came in and held my hands and that was the game changing moment. I was able to center myself and direct my energy into breathing and pushing. Baby girl had her cord wrapped twice around her neck and once around her body like a sash and my midwife was able to get it off of her neck and unwraveled and said, “reach down and grab your baby.” The way typing that still brings tear to my eyes. There is nothing sweeter and more rewarding than that moment and the realization that you just did that. My baby was here after 28 hours of active labor, 44 hours total, and 39 minutes of pushing. On 1/11 at 11:01pm, Donia Kay Wilson joined our family surrounded by family, friends, and the wisest and most wonderful birth team. So much love and peace filled our humble home.

I serve a God that is good and still performs. miracles daily. He had his hand in every detail of her birth and everyone that was there was meant to be there. I felt every prayer and I am so grateful for everyone that reached out to us, prayed for us, and for my granny and the moment we shared over FaceTime. I needed every ounce of encouragement I received.

I would love to answer any questions you have regarding home birth or birthing in general. Thank you for taking the time to read through my birth story.

If you are considering a home birth, please consider the following people for your birth team-

Willow Birth Services- Brandy Harris, Midwife

Empowered Lotus Birth Services- Juliet Henson, Midwife’s Assistant

Heaven Brashear Photography- Heaven Brashear, Birth Photographer